When They Try to Bring You Down, Remember This: It's Not About You

Let me say this right off the bat. You don’t have to do anything wrong to people nowadays for someone to start treating you badly. I had to learn that the hard way.

I used to ask myself things like, What did I say? What did I do? Did I make them feel uncomfortable? Was I too much? But over time, I started to see a pattern.

The people who disrespected me the most were often the ones who saw me as somehow “above” them or a threat to their ego.

Maybe I walked in more confidently. Maybe I was smarter. Maybe I looked too happy. Maybe I didn’t need their approval, Maybe I was too good at my job or Maybe i just looked better then them. And to them, that made me a threat.

I now understand this. Some people see you standing tall or doing well and it reminds them that they’re not.

Maybe they don’t feel good about themselves. Maybe they’ve been ignored, rejected, or are just stuck in their own pain.

So, when they see someone who seems to be shining, even a little, they try to dim that light. They try to knock you off your step. And when they do, they feel like they’ve won.

I know that sounds harsh, but this happens more often than we want to admit. And it’s not always loud or obvious.

Sometimes it’s subtle. Gossiping about you behind your back. A backhanded comment. An eye roll. An awkward silence after you speak. A weird vibe that leaves you feeling small.

What’s wild is that when they succeed in making you feel less than, they actually get a high (dopamine) from it.

It’s like their brain rewards them for knocking you down a peg. But you know what?

That says everything about them and absolutely nothing about you.

Once I realized this, it changed everything. I stopped internalizing other people’s projections. I stopped letting their words shape how I saw myself.

I started noticing how often people lash out at others, not because you're doing anything wrong, but because they're wrestling with their own insecurities which has nothing to do with me.

It still hurts sometimes. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t. But now, when someone disrespects me for no reason, I remind myself of one thing.

It’s not really about me. It’s about how they feel about themselves. And suddenly, their words lose their weight.

I do my best to keep my head high, even when it’s hard. And when I feel like it’s too much, I give myself permission to walk away.

You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to fix their insecurities. You just have to protect your peace.

You are allowed to take up space.

You are allowed to be confident. You are allowed to shine.

Anyone who tries to make you feel otherwise is showing you exactly where they are emotionally.

So the next time someone treats you like less, ask yourself this. What is it about me that they’re trying to silence? 

And hold onto that. Because that thing is probably your strength.

Have you ever had someone try to pull you down or make you feel bad for no clear reason? What helped you rise above it?

Your story could help another woman feel less alone.