Healing the Workplace: How We Can Avoid Being the Toxic One

Let’s talk about something that too many of us have experienced but not enough of us talk about: toxic work environments.

If you’re a woman anywhere between 20 and 60, chances are you’ve either worked with a toxic manager, worked with toxic coworkers, or let’s be honest—maybe even have been the toxic one at work during a tough chapter of life.

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve spent a good portion of my adult life navigating offices, teams, and workplace cultures.

Some brought out the best in me. Others? They chipped away at my confidence and even affected my mental health.

But here’s what I’ve learned, and I want to pass it on: we have the power to either heal or hurt our workspaces.

The Real Impact of a Toxic Workplace

Let’s start with the truth: toxic work environments can do real damage.

I’m not just talking about annoying coworkers or the occasional bad day.

I’m talking about environments that consistently make you feel small, unsafe, unappreciated, or fearful.

With that kind of daily stress:

• It can cause anxiety and depression

• Trigger migraines and chronic fatigue

• Disrupt your sleep

• Even manifest as physical pain or illness
  

I’ve experienced it firsthand at more jobs than I would care to count.

There were mornings I couldn’t stop crying before heading to work or I wanted to call in on a daily basis for my mental health.

I ignored the signs because I thought I had to "tough it out." But no paycheck is worth sacrificing your mental or physical well-being.

What Does Toxic Behavior Look Like?

Sometimes, we don’t realize we’re part of the problem or how deeply others are hurting.

Here are common signs of toxic behavior in the workplace (whether it’s coming from a boss, a coworker… or yes, even us):

• Gossiping or spreading rumors

• Passive-aggressive emails or comments

• Micromanaging or controlling behavior

• Lack of recognition or appreciation

• Sabotaging others' success

• Dismissing boundaries or personal time

• Playing favorites

• Refusing to take accountability
  

It’s easy to slip into these patterns when we're stressed, overwhelmed, or trying to prove ourselves.

But being aware is the first step toward being better.

How to Handle a Toxic Manager or Coworker

If you’re dealing with someone who drains you at work, here are some steps you can take:

1. Document Everything Keep a record of problematic interactions with dates, times, what was said/done. This isn’t about being petty; it’s about protecting yourself.

2. Set Boundaries It’s okay to say, “I won’t be available after 6 PM,” or “Let’s keep this professional.” Boundaries are a form of self-respect.

3. Limit Interaction When Possible Don’t feed the drama. Stay polite but firm. Protect your energy.

4. Speak Up (If Safe) If you feel secure doing so, have a private conversation and express how their behavior is affecting you. Keep it calm, clear, and focused on how you feel—not accusing them.

5. Report to HR or a Trusted Leader If nothing changes, take it up the chain. You deserve to be heard.

   

When It’s Time to Walk Away

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to make it work, the environment doesn’t get better.

And sis, that’s when it’s okay to leave. You are not a failure for choosing your well-being.

Here are signs it may be time to go:

• You dread going to work every day

• Your mental health is declining

• You're constantly second-guessing yourself at work

• You’ve exhausted all communication efforts (upper management, HR, etc.)

• There’s no accountability at the top (upper management or HR)
  

Walking away doesn’t mean you’re giving up or your weak. It means you’re choosing you—your peace, your future, and your self-worth.

A Gentle Nudge Toward Self-Reflection

If you’re a manager, a team lead (or aspire to be) or a coworker, ask yourself this: "Would I want to work for me or with me?"

We all have bad days. We all have blind spots. But if we can stay open, stay humble, and commit to lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down, we can build workspaces that feel like community and not a combat zone.

Whether you’re just starting your career, raising a family while climbing the ladder, navigating a life transition, or thinking about what’s next—your presence at work matters. Your energy matters. Your voice matters.

What kind of workplace are you helping to create? And is it one your younger self would be proud of?

Let’s start that conversation—together.