Am I With the Right Person? How to Tell (and What to Do if You're Not)

Let’s be real for a second.

Relationships aren’t always sunshine, slow dancing in the kitchen, or perfect Sunday mornings.

Sometimes, they’re confusing.

Sometimes, we find ourselves lying awake wondering, "Is this it? Is this what love is supposed to feel like?"

If you’ve ever felt that quiet ache in your chest or found yourself Googling signs of healthy love while your partner is in the next room… you’re not alone.

I’ve been there too. I’ve loved hard, doubted deeply, ignored red flags I wish I hadn’t, and held on longer than I should have.

But I’ve also learned to recognize what a healthy, fulfilling relationship actually looks and feels like and I want to share that with you.

Here’s what I’ve learned to look for in a right relationship:

• You feel safe — emotionally and physically. You can be your full self without fear of judgment, yelling, gaslighting, or silent treatment.

• You’re not constantly anxious. You’re not overthinking texts or tiptoeing around moods. You know where you stand.

• You laugh. A lot. Even on the hard days, there’s a lightness. You still like each other.

• You grow together, not apart. You both support each other’s dreams, goals, and healing. It’s not a competition.

• You’re not begging for the bare minimum. If you have to keep asking for basic respect, attention, or kindness, it’s not a healthy dynamic.

• You have your own life too. A good relationship doesn't require you to shrink. You still have friends, hobbies, space, and independence.

  

Some signs that might mean you’re with the wrong person:

• You feel drained instead of energized after spending time together

• You’re often confused about where you stand or where things are going

• You feel small, dismissed, or not fully seen

• You’re doing most of the emotional labor

• You’ve lost touch with yourself and your joy

• You’re making excuses for their behavior to friends, family Or yourself

• Your needs go unmet, or worse, mocked As unimportant
  

Listen. Love should never feel like walking on eggshells. It shouldn’t make you question your worth.

And it should absolutely never feel like you’re the only one trying.

If you're not sure or something feels off, here's what you can do:

• Take a pause. Step back emotionally for a moment. Journal (app or voice notes) what you really feel without editing it for anyone else.

• Get honest with yourself. If your best friend was in your shoes, what advice would you give her?

• Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes we need outside perspective to see what we’re too close to.

• Ask yourself: Do I feel more like me with this person, or less? A healthy partner should amplify your light, not dim it.

• Start small acts of self-connection. Revisit your own hobbies, interests, and joy. Get back in touch with you.

• Therapy can help. Whether individual or couples therapy, support matters. You don’t have to sort this out alone.

• Remember: You don’t need permission to leave what’s hurting you. Even if nothing “big” happened. Even if they’re a good person. If it’s not right for you, that’s enough for you to leave.

  

Here’s the truth I wish someone told me sooner:

The right person for you won’t make you feel unsure all the time.

The right person won’t require you to abandon yourself to be loved.

The right person will feel like coming home to peace, not chaos.

We all deserve that. You deserve that.

When you picture the love, you dream of, does your current relationship feel like that?

If not, you’re allowed to choose something different. You’re allowed to choose you.