If You Couldn’t Defend Me, Don’t Report Back to Me

You know what I absolutely cannot stand?

When someone comes back to tell me what other people had to say about me, but conveniently forgets to mention what they said back in return.

Let me make this crystal clear.

If you didn’t defend me, you didn’t stand with me. Period.

If you were sitting there, mouth closed, while I was being talked about like I wasn’t even human, then please don’t act like you’re doing me a favor by delivering the drama like it’s a gift.

Because it’s not. It’s a red flag. A loud one.

Don’t Tell Me What They Said About Me

Tell me what you said after they said it. Tell me:

• You shut it down.

• You told them I wasn’t the one to play with.

• You made it known that I’m not someone you’ll ever sit by quietly and let be disrespected.
  

If you can’t tell me that, then you’ve already told me everything I need to know.

Silence Is Loud

When someone is talking bad about me and you just sit there quietly, pretending like you’re Switzerland, let me tell you something: neutrality is a choice.

And when you choose silence, I hear it loud and clear.

• You didn’t defend me.

• You didn’t speak up.

• You just listened.
  

So guess what? You’re not a friend.

You’re not family.

And you sure as hell are not a partner. Because anyone who claims to care about me should never be comfortable sitting in a room where I’m the target of disrespect.

Being Loyal in Private Matters More Than Posts in Public

You don't need to shout from the rooftops or make a scene. But if you're in a room where people feel safe disrespecting me and you said nothing, then that room is where you belong. Not in mine.

You had a choice. And you chose silence. You chose comfort. You chose to protect yourself instead of standing up for me.

So please, do me a favor and stay over there.

I Don’t Need That Energy in My Life Anymore

The older I get, the less I’m willing to make space for people who can’t or won’t protect me in my absence. I don’t care if we’re blood.

I don’t care how long we’ve known each other. And I’m definitely not tolerating that from someone who claims to love me.

If you’re not clapping when I’m winning, If you’re not defending me when I’m under attack, If you’re not helping me grow when I’m struggling, then you are not in my corner.

It’s Not About Gossip. It’s About Loyalty.

There is nothing wrong with shutting someone down when they try to bring you gossip. You can simply say:

• "I’m not interested in hearing that."

• "She’s not here to speak for herself, so let’s not go there."

• "That’s my girl, so I’m not gonna let you disrespect her."
  

That takes courage.

That takes loyalty.

And I’ll always respect that.

Even if I never hear about it.

If someone can’t speak up for me when I’m not around, they shouldn’t expect to sit at my table when I am. I want real ones beside me. The women who protect each other, correct each other, and love each other out loud and behind closed doors.

Because that’s how I roll.

And I deserve the same in return.

Let’s Talk About It

Have you ever found out someone stayed silent while others talked about you?

How did you handle it? Drop your story in the comments—your truth could help another woman feel less alone in hers.