When Doing Too Much Starts to Feel Like You're Invisible

I know this might hit a nerve, but I have to say it.

The more you do for people, the less they notice.

And the more they start to expect it instead of appreciating it.

I’ve been there.

I’ve stayed up late to help someone, bent over backwards to fix a mess I didn’t make, pushed through my own stress just to be there for others.

At first, I thought it was love.

Or loyalty. Or being a “good person.”

But over time, something started to shift.

Instead of gratitude, I started getting silence.

Instead of appreciation, I got assumptions.

And instead of feeling valued, I felt... used.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way:

1. People Get Comfortable with What You Always Do

There’s actually a term for it. It’s called entitlement bias.

Basically, when you keep showing up for people and solving their problems, your help stops feeling special.

They stop seeing it as a gift and start seeing it as your job.

Even if you’re crossing your own boundaries to support someone, they may thank you once.

Maybe even twice.

But if it keeps happening, they stop seeing the effort.

It becomes your “normal” in their eyes.

You went out of your way?

They don’t see it that way anymore.

They just expect it.

2. People Notice What's Missing, Not What's Always There

It’s wild how the human brain works.

People are naturally wired to notice what they lack, not what they already have.

So if you’re always there... always helping, fixing, supporting... you become part of the background.

You want to test it?

Stop doing that one thing you always do.

Don’t answer the text right away.

Don’t offer to help before they ask.

Watch how fast they suddenly notice.

Not because they missed you but because they missed what you give.

That’s the difference.

And that’s what hurts.

3. Giving Too Much Can Make You Question Your Worth

This part is the hardest to admit.

When you give and give and get little in return, you start wondering if you’re even worth much.

You start thinking maybe if you gave more, did more, tried harder... you’d finally feel appreciated, loved or respected.

But that’s the trap I fell into for years.

Constantly giving at the cost of my peace, my energy, my self-respect which does not get you more love or respect.

More often then not, it gets you overlooked.

And you deserve better than that.

Let me be clear.

I am not saying stop being kind.

I’m not saying stop helping the people you love.

That’s not what this is about.

This is about you making sure your kindness is seen.

That your help is respected.

That your boundaries are honored.

Because being a good person does not mean letting people take advantage of you.

It means knowing when to step back.

It means honoring yourself the way you honor others.

So now, I check in with myself:

• Am I doing this out of guilt or habit?

• Would I still do it if I knew they wouldn’t thank me?

• Is this draining me or fulfilling me?

  
  

And when the answer hurts, I give myself permission to stop.

You don’t have to become cold to stop being taken for granted.

You just need to be conscious of your limits.

You need to remind yourself:

I deserve to be appreciated, not just expected.

Have you ever felt invisible from doing too much?

If this hits home, I’d love to hear your story.